Meeste van julle weet nou al by die tyd dat ek gister (Dinsdag 31ste Feb) vir my Laparoskopie en Histeroskopie gegaan het. Dit was toe baie goeie nuus! Ek het net 'n klein bietjie endometriose gehad wat die dokter weggesny het, so nou is alles mooi oop en skoon en gereed om 'n babatjie te ontvang! Ons sal dan nou volgende maand (of dalk einde Feb afhangende van my siklus) begin met "Timed Cycles" wat nie so erg duur is soos die ander prosedures nie. Dr se ons kan eers dit so 5 keer probeer voor ons iui toe aanbeweeg (waar hulle die sperm in die baarmoeder inspuit) so ek sit my hoop op die Timed Cycles.
Wat nou gaan gebeur basies is dat ek nog steeds al die medikasie gaan kry om eier selle te vorm. Elke tweede dag word ek ook gescan om te monitor hoeveel eiers ek kry ens en dan kry ek voor ovulasie 'n trigger shot wat my eiers presies 36 uur later vrystel (ovulasie), so dan kan ons ons dinge volgens dit beplan.
Ek moet ook nie nalaat om julle te vertel hoe God gesorg het vir die geld nie! Ons moes die een helfte Maandag betaal en die ander helfte dinsdag en alles het net so mooi uitgewerk dat ons dit net - net gemaak het! Prys my Liefste Vader!!!
Verder is ek maar nog lekker seer... sal blykbaar so aanhou tot Don en hier by Vrydag kom my steke uit en sal ek al beter voel. Die snye is nie meer te seer nie (daar is 3 snye) want ek is op sterk medikasie, maar die steek pyne in my skouers en bors is nogal erg- voel of mens 'n hartaanval gaan kry, maar dit is baie normaal- meeste mense kry dit agv al die gas wat hulle in jou maag pomp om binne te kan sien. Hulle se daars nog so 1liter vloeistof in my maag, maar ek dink daar is meer want ek weeg 2kg meer!
Toe ek uit die teater kom was ek baie seer en het begin huil en sukkel om asem te haal, en al hoe meer paniekerig begin raak. Daar is toe 'n suster wat se ek werk myself op ek moet nou kalm raak... ek vloek haar in my kop, maar toe voel ek 'n ander hand wat my soos 'n katjie streel op my skouer. Dalk was dit 'n ander nurse, maar ek wil glo dit was 'n engel, want dit het my onmiddelik gekalmeer en ek het onmiddelik beter begin asem haal!
SOOO, exiting stuff... ek hoop julle is so opgewonde soos ek, want ek is gereed vir aksie! Bid asb dat my hart bewaar sal word en dat ek die krag sal he om aan te gaan met die ding al werk dit nie die eerste of die tweede of die derde maand nie!
Wees geseend!
Liefde
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Monday, January 23, 2012
Vordering!
Ek kon uiteindelik 'n afspraak maak vir volgende Dinsdag!! Ek moet hulle Maandag bel om tyd te bevestig, so ek sal Maandag laat weet presies hoe laat julle moet bid :) Ek het al nagmerrie stories gehoor van dokters (in SA) wat perongeluk vrouens se baarmoeders raakgesny het en onmiddelike histerektomie moes doen, so ek is bietjie bang, maar oor die algemeen is dit nie te erg nie so ek behoort fine te wees. Dr Volschenk is een van die beste in dit wat hy doen en ek vertrou hy sal versigtig wees. Ek gaan vir so drie dae buite aksie wees... weet nog nie wat ek met myself gaan aanvang nie so kuiers is meer as welkom ;)
Hier is bietjie meer oor die twee prosedures wat ek gaan naslaan het:
Histeroskopie:
A hysteroscopy is a way for your doctor to look at the lining of your uterus. He or she uses a thin viewing tool called a hysteroscope. The tip of the hysteroscope is put into your vagina and gently moved through the cervix into the uterus. The hysteroscope has a light and camera hooked to it so your doctor can see the lining (endometrium) on a video screen.
A hysteroscopy may be done to find the cause of abnormal bleeding or bleeding that occurs after a woman has passed menopause. It also may be done to see if a problem in your uterus is preventing you from becoming pregnant (infertility). A hysteroscopy can be used to remove growths in the uterus, such as fibroids or polyps.
Your doctor may take a small sample of tissue (biopsy). The sample is looked at under a microscope for problems. Another surgery, called a laparoscopy, may also be done at the same time as a hysteroscopy if infertility is a problem.
Laparoskopie:
Laparoscopy is a surgical technique in which a lighted viewing instrument (laparoscope) is inserted into the lower abdomen through a small incision, usually made below the navel. The abdomen is inflated with gas injected through a needle, which pushes the wall of the abdomen away from the organs so the doctor can see them more clearly.
Laparoscopy may be used for both diagnosis and treatment. Incisions may be made so that other instruments, such as cutting devices or lasers, can be inserted to treat certain problems. With laparoscopy, the doctor can identify diseased organs, take tissue samples for biopsy, and remove abnormal growths.
Laparoscopy may allow a person to avoid more invasive open surgery that uses larger incisions. Compared to open surgery, it leaves smaller scars, is often less risky, and usually requires a shorter recovery period.
Laparoscopy is often used to diagnose and treat problems in the female reproductive organs, such as endometriosis, infertility, or tubal pregnancy. Tubal ligation (female sterilization) can also be done with laparoscopic surgery.
So basies gaan hulle kyk of hulle enige endometriose sien, dit verwyder as daar wel endometriose is, en enige moontlike poliepe of fibroids sal ook verwyder word en biopsies word gedoen om enige ander probleme wat daar mag wees te identifiseer.
Hier is bietjie meer oor die twee prosedures wat ek gaan naslaan het:
Histeroskopie:
A hysteroscopy is a way for your doctor to look at the lining of your uterus. He or she uses a thin viewing tool called a hysteroscope. The tip of the hysteroscope is put into your vagina and gently moved through the cervix into the uterus. The hysteroscope has a light and camera hooked to it so your doctor can see the lining (endometrium) on a video screen.
A hysteroscopy may be done to find the cause of abnormal bleeding or bleeding that occurs after a woman has passed menopause. It also may be done to see if a problem in your uterus is preventing you from becoming pregnant (infertility). A hysteroscopy can be used to remove growths in the uterus, such as fibroids or polyps.
Your doctor may take a small sample of tissue (biopsy). The sample is looked at under a microscope for problems. Another surgery, called a laparoscopy, may also be done at the same time as a hysteroscopy if infertility is a problem.
Laparoskopie:
Laparoscopy is a surgical technique in which a lighted viewing instrument (laparoscope) is inserted into the lower abdomen through a small incision, usually made below the navel. The abdomen is inflated with gas injected through a needle, which pushes the wall of the abdomen away from the organs so the doctor can see them more clearly.
Laparoscopy may be used for both diagnosis and treatment. Incisions may be made so that other instruments, such as cutting devices or lasers, can be inserted to treat certain problems. With laparoscopy, the doctor can identify diseased organs, take tissue samples for biopsy, and remove abnormal growths.
Laparoscopy may allow a person to avoid more invasive open surgery that uses larger incisions. Compared to open surgery, it leaves smaller scars, is often less risky, and usually requires a shorter recovery period.
Laparoscopy is often used to diagnose and treat problems in the female reproductive organs, such as endometriosis, infertility, or tubal pregnancy. Tubal ligation (female sterilization) can also be done with laparoscopic surgery.
So basies gaan hulle kyk of hulle enige endometriose sien, dit verwyder as daar wel endometriose is, en enige moontlike poliepe of fibroids sal ook verwyder word en biopsies word gedoen om enige ander probleme wat daar mag wees te identifiseer.
Dankie weereens vir julle gebede en ondersteuning... dis 'n moeilike paadjie om alleen te loop!
Liefde
xxxx
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
New Year, New Beginnings!!!
Hallo julle almal, ek is terug!!! Na 'n lekker lang rus van probeer (wat eintlik uitgedraai het in natuurlik probeer die res van 2011) is ek weer gereed vir aksie! Ek was eintlik die heeltyd in twee geskeur oor God se plan vir my lewe en of dit nou inmenging in daardie plan sal wees om behandeling te kry ens, maar 'n gesprek met my vriendin Louise het dit vir my uitgeklaar.
Ek het ook besef dat dit nie God se plan kan wees dat daar 'n geskiedenis van infertiliteit in my familie is nie, so ek sien dit as opstand teen die duiwel deur vir behandeling te gaan. Die ketting stop sommer hier by my! Gesondheid gaan oor liggaam, siel en gees en deel van die liggaam is om dit reg te maak wat gebreek is. As ek my gewrig gelos het na hy gebreek het, sou ek nou nog met 'n skewe hand gesit het, maar ek het nie, ek het hom laat regmaak en vandag sit ek met 'n 100% gesonde hand. Ek sien dit ook so met my fertiliteit.... iets is gebreek en dit moet reggemaak word.
Net gou 'n vinnige "recap" op laasjaar... Op my laaste inskrywing op die blog sou ek nie meer gaan om die knop op my bors te verwyder nie, maar ek moes toe wel op die ou end, wat nou 'n baie lelike merk gelos het wat ek wens nie daar was nie maar dit is nou maar een van daardie dinge.
Ons het toe ook nooit gereis nie :( Ons het toe op die ou end so besig geraak met Mastermax en die vriende van ons wat ons as "fly-buddies" gelys het, kon ook nooit gaan wanneer ons kon nie en op die ou end het ons nerens gegaan nie, maar ons hoop om vir ons sewende huweliks-herdenking na Zanzibar, Mauritius of Seychelles te gaan so dit is iets lekker om na uit te sien!
Ok, terug na die infertiliteit... Ek het Dr Volschenk gevra wat ons volgende stappe is en hy het 'n Laperoskopie en Histeroskopie voorgestel. Dit is nou basies om te sien of daar dalk endometriose of enige ander probleme is. Dit is nou hier waar julle regtig vir ons moet bid. Dit is verskriklik baie geld wat ons 'n week voor die operasie alles moet betaal en dan word dit later deur die Mediese Fonds aan ons terug betaal, maar om eers daardie geld te he is op die oomlik vir ons 'n bietjie moeilik! Ek moet wag tot die eerste dag van my siklus, en dan moet ek Vitalab bel om die afspraak te maak van die operasie wat dan seker tussen een of twee weke daarna sal gebeur. Dit beteken die operasie sal seker oor drie weke van nou af gebeur en ons moet dan al die geld oor twee weke he. Dit is nog nie die ergste nie... Die ivf is vier keer soveel en dit word nie deur Mediese Fondse gedek nie, so dit moet ten volle uit ons sak kom. Ons beplan om vir eers iui te doen wat nie so duur soos ivf is nie, maar dit is nogsteeds maar baie geld wat ons in die hande moet kry en dr Volschenk het eintlik voorgestel dat ons maar direk met ivf moet begin.
Bid asb. dat die mense wat ons geld skuld vroeer sal betaal as wat ons dink hulle gaan betaal of dat ons binne die volgende twee weke 'n sak geld (note asb.) optel. Enige ander idees vir gebede is ook welkom!
Aangesien ons op die onderwerp van gebede is, sal 'n vakansie ook lekker wees... so... bonatuurlike geld en vakansie asb!! en moenie van die eiland-honeymoon vergeet nie hoor, ek weet dit is baie gevra maar ek dink veral Johan verdien dit.
So daar is baie opwindende dinge wat vir ons voorle vir die jaar. Partykeer as ek myself jammer kry oor ek steeds nie 'n kleine babatjie het nie, dan herinner ek myself net dat daar nog SO baie "exiting stuff" voorle! Ek meen, ek gaan nog 'n babatjie he!!!! Imagine dit!!! So dinge gaan interessant raak julle, wag maar net, julle sal sien!
Nou ja dit is al vir nou. Ek sal julle op datum hou van presies wanneer alles gebeur en wat die operasie behels, ek moet nog self ordentlik gaan naslaan. Tot volgende keer!
xxx
Ek het ook besef dat dit nie God se plan kan wees dat daar 'n geskiedenis van infertiliteit in my familie is nie, so ek sien dit as opstand teen die duiwel deur vir behandeling te gaan. Die ketting stop sommer hier by my! Gesondheid gaan oor liggaam, siel en gees en deel van die liggaam is om dit reg te maak wat gebreek is. As ek my gewrig gelos het na hy gebreek het, sou ek nou nog met 'n skewe hand gesit het, maar ek het nie, ek het hom laat regmaak en vandag sit ek met 'n 100% gesonde hand. Ek sien dit ook so met my fertiliteit.... iets is gebreek en dit moet reggemaak word.
Net gou 'n vinnige "recap" op laasjaar... Op my laaste inskrywing op die blog sou ek nie meer gaan om die knop op my bors te verwyder nie, maar ek moes toe wel op die ou end, wat nou 'n baie lelike merk gelos het wat ek wens nie daar was nie maar dit is nou maar een van daardie dinge.
Ons het toe ook nooit gereis nie :( Ons het toe op die ou end so besig geraak met Mastermax en die vriende van ons wat ons as "fly-buddies" gelys het, kon ook nooit gaan wanneer ons kon nie en op die ou end het ons nerens gegaan nie, maar ons hoop om vir ons sewende huweliks-herdenking na Zanzibar, Mauritius of Seychelles te gaan so dit is iets lekker om na uit te sien!
Ok, terug na die infertiliteit... Ek het Dr Volschenk gevra wat ons volgende stappe is en hy het 'n Laperoskopie en Histeroskopie voorgestel. Dit is nou basies om te sien of daar dalk endometriose of enige ander probleme is. Dit is nou hier waar julle regtig vir ons moet bid. Dit is verskriklik baie geld wat ons 'n week voor die operasie alles moet betaal en dan word dit later deur die Mediese Fonds aan ons terug betaal, maar om eers daardie geld te he is op die oomlik vir ons 'n bietjie moeilik! Ek moet wag tot die eerste dag van my siklus, en dan moet ek Vitalab bel om die afspraak te maak van die operasie wat dan seker tussen een of twee weke daarna sal gebeur. Dit beteken die operasie sal seker oor drie weke van nou af gebeur en ons moet dan al die geld oor twee weke he. Dit is nog nie die ergste nie... Die ivf is vier keer soveel en dit word nie deur Mediese Fondse gedek nie, so dit moet ten volle uit ons sak kom. Ons beplan om vir eers iui te doen wat nie so duur soos ivf is nie, maar dit is nogsteeds maar baie geld wat ons in die hande moet kry en dr Volschenk het eintlik voorgestel dat ons maar direk met ivf moet begin.
Bid asb. dat die mense wat ons geld skuld vroeer sal betaal as wat ons dink hulle gaan betaal of dat ons binne die volgende twee weke 'n sak geld (note asb.) optel. Enige ander idees vir gebede is ook welkom!
Aangesien ons op die onderwerp van gebede is, sal 'n vakansie ook lekker wees... so... bonatuurlike geld en vakansie asb!! en moenie van die eiland-honeymoon vergeet nie hoor, ek weet dit is baie gevra maar ek dink veral Johan verdien dit.
So daar is baie opwindende dinge wat vir ons voorle vir die jaar. Partykeer as ek myself jammer kry oor ek steeds nie 'n kleine babatjie het nie, dan herinner ek myself net dat daar nog SO baie "exiting stuff" voorle! Ek meen, ek gaan nog 'n babatjie he!!!! Imagine dit!!! So dinge gaan interessant raak julle, wag maar net, julle sal sien!
Nou ja dit is al vir nou. Ek sal julle op datum hou van presies wanneer alles gebeur en wat die operasie behels, ek moet nog self ordentlik gaan naslaan. Tot volgende keer!
xxx
Monday, January 10, 2011
Mammo misunderstanding!
Ladies, you wont believe this, there was a misunderstanding between the radiologists! I asked the secretary to ask the dr to phone me back to explain the procedure and what exactly do they mean by the results are inconclusive. I tried not to stress, but had some worries over it this weekend. So the dr phoned me back almost instantly saying that he is so sorry there was a misunderstanding between the radiologists, there is no need to operate! He says that it might be from a previous injury from contact sports, and that i just have to go back for another ultrasound so they can make sure!
Praise God, this is what i prayed for, that something would happen so they wont have to operate :))))))))) Now i can go on with the fun life i have planned for 2011, and if theres no fun, come what may i will praise You in the storm!!!
Praise God, this is what i prayed for, that something would happen so they wont have to operate :))))))))) Now i can go on with the fun life i have planned for 2011, and if theres no fun, come what may i will praise You in the storm!!!
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Second last post for 2011!
Okay, you wont believe how things changed since I last posted! After I found out last month that pcos is my only problem, i realized that there is definitely still hope. My only problem is that i don't ovulate, and ovulation can be induced, so i feel like i am still young and i still have some time.
The past 3 years and 9 months made me so tired and stressed out that i felt like i needed some time off. For 3 years and 9 months i had to look at what i eat, cut out on alcohol, not eat sushi at the time of the month when i could be pregnant, and not drink flu medicine if i am sick. Now i feel like i want my body back for a while, and just be. I just want to enjoy the time with Johan while i still have it!
Then, like they were sent from above, friends of ours gave us a huge gift! Nadia works for SAA and organized for us to fly for 20% of the ticket fee for a whole year! She and her husband wants us to travel all over the world with them to 6 destinations this year! Praise God for Nadia and Cobus!!!
Now obviously i cant do that while pregnant, so Johan and I made the best decision since we started to TTC.... We are taking the year off to love each other en enjoy ourselves and see the world! I know it may come as a shock to you after all i posted, but we think its just the right time! We know now we still have time and we are so sick and tired of trying and we are so young, we have to enjoy the time we have! I have given up on having children when i am very young long ago, so now i will just have children when I'm just young :)
I cant describe to you how I feel about this, it feels like i have the weight off my shoulders. Now that i know nothing else is wrong, i don't stress about having children anymore, i KNOW we will have them and hopefully at the right time.
SO, for now i am enjoying life (probably for the first time) and focusing on weight loss for the year, so my body will be ready when we are ready to start trying again in 2012.
So that is that... SURPRISE!!!
A bit of bad news...
I found a lump in my breast about two months ago and gave it two months to see if it would go away. When it didn't go away, i was sent for a breast ultra sound by my Gynecologist. When they did the u/s, they said that i would have to do a mammogram, cause it looked a bit suspicious. They did the mammogram and said that they would have to do a biopsy cause it didn't look good! I was in agony this whole week, cause their machine that does the biopsy broke due to lightning, so i had to wait from Monday to Saturday morning to get my results. My results came out inconclusive, so I am going to have surgery to remove the lump and send it in for some more testing. We will do that when we come back from McGregor after the 23rd.
So, this was all a big shock to me - and also a reason why i made the decision to enjoy my life this year. I really pray that it would be benign and if not, that it wont come back! At least the dr said that i am very lucky to have found it so early, (cause i do regular self exams) and that many women don't realize it until its too late!
The worst of all of this was when i phoned on Thursday when i should have had my results, the secretary apologized and said that they know about my case and that they are working on it! I was like... what does that mean??? My case??? Do the secretaries know about everyones case or just my case? Johan said that maybe its just cause i am young that she said that.... whatever it was, it terrified me! Also when they did the ultrasound and the mammogram, different people did it, and each of them had this horror look on their faces and asked me the same questions over about my family history and my age and how long i've been feeling it for. It really scared me, and they also said that its not the right shape for a benign lump and that they will have to look into it.
I guess this was a good thing, cause it really made me think about my life and how i value it. It made me decide to start to enjoy it, and it all just fell into place, so i guess i should thank God! I am not off the hook yet though, so please pray for me for peace and that if it is malignant, that it wont come back over and over again like so many others and that it wont spread after its been cut like so many others.
Thank you so much for your support in my TTC journey. The journey is not over, it has just begun, but I am not going to post about it anymore until next year. I will make one more post after i got my results back after the lump was removed just to keep you updated.
Thank you for your love and support, you are the best!!!
The past 3 years and 9 months made me so tired and stressed out that i felt like i needed some time off. For 3 years and 9 months i had to look at what i eat, cut out on alcohol, not eat sushi at the time of the month when i could be pregnant, and not drink flu medicine if i am sick. Now i feel like i want my body back for a while, and just be. I just want to enjoy the time with Johan while i still have it!
Then, like they were sent from above, friends of ours gave us a huge gift! Nadia works for SAA and organized for us to fly for 20% of the ticket fee for a whole year! She and her husband wants us to travel all over the world with them to 6 destinations this year! Praise God for Nadia and Cobus!!!
Now obviously i cant do that while pregnant, so Johan and I made the best decision since we started to TTC.... We are taking the year off to love each other en enjoy ourselves and see the world! I know it may come as a shock to you after all i posted, but we think its just the right time! We know now we still have time and we are so sick and tired of trying and we are so young, we have to enjoy the time we have! I have given up on having children when i am very young long ago, so now i will just have children when I'm just young :)
I cant describe to you how I feel about this, it feels like i have the weight off my shoulders. Now that i know nothing else is wrong, i don't stress about having children anymore, i KNOW we will have them and hopefully at the right time.
SO, for now i am enjoying life (probably for the first time) and focusing on weight loss for the year, so my body will be ready when we are ready to start trying again in 2012.
So that is that... SURPRISE!!!
A bit of bad news...
I found a lump in my breast about two months ago and gave it two months to see if it would go away. When it didn't go away, i was sent for a breast ultra sound by my Gynecologist. When they did the u/s, they said that i would have to do a mammogram, cause it looked a bit suspicious. They did the mammogram and said that they would have to do a biopsy cause it didn't look good! I was in agony this whole week, cause their machine that does the biopsy broke due to lightning, so i had to wait from Monday to Saturday morning to get my results. My results came out inconclusive, so I am going to have surgery to remove the lump and send it in for some more testing. We will do that when we come back from McGregor after the 23rd.
So, this was all a big shock to me - and also a reason why i made the decision to enjoy my life this year. I really pray that it would be benign and if not, that it wont come back! At least the dr said that i am very lucky to have found it so early, (cause i do regular self exams) and that many women don't realize it until its too late!
The worst of all of this was when i phoned on Thursday when i should have had my results, the secretary apologized and said that they know about my case and that they are working on it! I was like... what does that mean??? My case??? Do the secretaries know about everyones case or just my case? Johan said that maybe its just cause i am young that she said that.... whatever it was, it terrified me! Also when they did the ultrasound and the mammogram, different people did it, and each of them had this horror look on their faces and asked me the same questions over about my family history and my age and how long i've been feeling it for. It really scared me, and they also said that its not the right shape for a benign lump and that they will have to look into it.
I guess this was a good thing, cause it really made me think about my life and how i value it. It made me decide to start to enjoy it, and it all just fell into place, so i guess i should thank God! I am not off the hook yet though, so please pray for me for peace and that if it is malignant, that it wont come back over and over again like so many others and that it wont spread after its been cut like so many others.
Thank you so much for your support in my TTC journey. The journey is not over, it has just begun, but I am not going to post about it anymore until next year. I will make one more post after i got my results back after the lump was removed just to keep you updated.
Thank you for your love and support, you are the best!!!
Saturday, January 1, 2011
A Prayer for The Conception of a Child
A friend of mine on a forum for people who struggle to conceive, posted this prayer and i am making it my own prayer for 2011.
A Prayer for The Conception of a Child
Lord, help me to know that You are enough.
Take my eyes off of myself.
Take my eyes off of the child I desire.
Help me to delight myself in You.
Mold the desires of my heart to be in line with Your will.
I don't want to need to be a mother more than I need to be your humble, obedient child.
I don't want wanting to have a baby to be a stumbling block between You and me anymore.
Lord, I want to give this desire, this drive, this ache up to You.
Help me not to snatch it back as I so often do with the burdens I place in Your hands.
Help me to be truly content with Your will and Your timing.
Lord, You know that I still desire a baby - someone to mold, teach, train, shape, guide, and help to grow in You.
But until the day You give me that joyous blessing, help me to grow in You.
Let me reach out to those around me.
Let me witness and minister to the children You place in my path.
Lord, if adoption is the path You would have us take, prepare our hearts, and prepare the child who will share our home.
If adoption is not Your will for our lives, keep me from pushing ahead of Your plan.
Help me to stay submitted to my husband's will, and to Your will.
If we are headed in the wrong direction, change our hearts.
Thank You for lifting my burden.
Help me to keep You first! Let me seek Your face daily, and let me know that You are enough!
Amen!
Thank you for all your messages on my bfn. May you all be blessed in 2011!
A Prayer for The Conception of a Child
Lord, help me to know that You are enough.
Take my eyes off of myself.
Take my eyes off of the child I desire.
Help me to delight myself in You.
Mold the desires of my heart to be in line with Your will.
I don't want to need to be a mother more than I need to be your humble, obedient child.
I don't want wanting to have a baby to be a stumbling block between You and me anymore.
Lord, I want to give this desire, this drive, this ache up to You.
Help me not to snatch it back as I so often do with the burdens I place in Your hands.
Help me to be truly content with Your will and Your timing.
Lord, You know that I still desire a baby - someone to mold, teach, train, shape, guide, and help to grow in You.
But until the day You give me that joyous blessing, help me to grow in You.
Let me reach out to those around me.
Let me witness and minister to the children You place in my path.
Lord, if adoption is the path You would have us take, prepare our hearts, and prepare the child who will share our home.
If adoption is not Your will for our lives, keep me from pushing ahead of Your plan.
Help me to stay submitted to my husband's will, and to Your will.
If we are headed in the wrong direction, change our hearts.
Thank You for lifting my burden.
Help me to keep You first! Let me seek Your face daily, and let me know that You are enough!
Amen!
Thank you for all your messages on my bfn. May you all be blessed in 2011!
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Bfn
It was a Big Fat Negative this month! I cant say I'm totally fine with it, but i knew it was a possibility and ive been trying for 3 years and 9 months so I guess I'm getting used to negatives by now. Better luck next time. As soon as this cycle starts, i will try again and again and again untill i have a baby in my arms. Thank you for your support once again. The 20 of you who asked me to add you on my mailing list is the ones i really know you care. Thank you so much for thinking of me xxxx
Monday, December 13, 2010
The dreaded Two-week-wait!
Im in the dreaded 2ww. Ive been doing this for 3 years and 8 months, so after a while you start to lose hope of getting a BFP, but hey, lets hope for the best! So the one follie didn't grow even a millimeter past 13mm when we went back to the FS, but the other one grew nicely to 20mm, so that was awesome! They gave me an Ovidrel injection to release the egg so we knew the exact time of ovulation and got to sort our business accordingly ;) Im not feeling too well- getting a bit of side effects due to all the hormones being injected into me but at least i know its a good thing. I also felt stabbing pains today in my right ovary (the one that didnt grow any) so im hoping it actually caught up and that i still have double the chances of getting knocked up this month!
Now they cant mess around any more untill the end of this cycle, so theres no way of knowing how the follies are doing... all we can do is hope and pray untill the 28th when my blood test is due!
Oh and by the way, the acronyms are on the blog itself, so if you read this via your email, you might not know a single thing of what i just said. And also some people asked about posts they made and wasnt sure if i get them- if you reply to the mail, i get it, but only when i log into the mailing list. If you reply on the blog itself, i get it instantly via emial! Thanx once again for your support, it means the world to me! Love and kisses xoxoxoxox
Now they cant mess around any more untill the end of this cycle, so theres no way of knowing how the follies are doing... all we can do is hope and pray untill the 28th when my blood test is due!
Oh and by the way, the acronyms are on the blog itself, so if you read this via your email, you might not know a single thing of what i just said. And also some people asked about posts they made and wasnt sure if i get them- if you reply to the mail, i get it, but only when i log into the mailing list. If you reply on the blog itself, i get it instantly via emial! Thanx once again for your support, it means the world to me! Love and kisses xoxoxoxox
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
On top of the world!
I am so on top of the world right now cause i made 2 follies :) They are only 13mm (they have to get to 20mm)and growing too slow, so i got 2 menopur injections to help them grow a bit, but i dont care, it feels like i can do anything right now he he he!! I am SO chaffed at my awesome ovaries!!!
So you know what this means?? If both of them continue to grow nicely we might end up with double trouble ;) i wont mind honestly, if it takes this long to get one, two will be even better. Either way i have double the chance this month to get pregnant even if only one gets fertilised! But dont get your hopes up too much, theres still lots to do and many women do this and still dont get pregnant. So, hope, but not too much ;)
So you know what this means?? If both of them continue to grow nicely we might end up with double trouble ;) i wont mind honestly, if it takes this long to get one, two will be even better. Either way i have double the chance this month to get pregnant even if only one gets fertilised! But dont get your hopes up too much, theres still lots to do and many women do this and still dont get pregnant. So, hope, but not too much ;)
Monday, December 6, 2010
Hsg test
So i went for the HSG and again, not much fun! It was really sore when they injected the dye but all is well now and i got good news, my tubes are open yaaay!!! So, one step forward and tomorrow they are doing a follicle scan to see if i got a nice big growing follicle with the Femara this month and to tell me when i will ovulate. Hold your thumbs!
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